You Just Do
by abharding
Summary: SGASG1 Crossover. Sam Carter has some advice for Rodney McKay. Spoilers for anything up to The Seige Part 3 for Atlantis and Avalon for SG1.


You Just Do  
Ann B Harding

A SG-1/SGA Crossover. Carter has a some advice for Rodney. Takes place in between SGA's The Siege Part 3 and The Intruder and early Season 9 of SG-1.

"Well, you know how it is…some things just have to be seen to be fully understood."

Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter was not sure she could believe what she had just heard. If it weren't for the report in front of her, one of several in fact, she might have wondered she had somehow been transferred an alternate reality because the Rodney McKay she knew would never said something like that.

"You've changed, McKay," she said with a laugh returning her attention to the screen in front of her. The pair had been reviewing some the information collected during the Atlantis Exhibition's first year in the Pegasus Galaxy. It was an impressive amount research and technology that was going to keep the people at Area 51 very busy for a very long time. They had been working eighteen hours a day (breaking only for meals and sleep) for the three days and had only gotten through a small percentage of the data McKay had brought back with him. And according to McKay, that was only a small percent of what was in Atlantis' databases. (It was all they could fit onto their computers and backup hard drives.) Sam had thought that her transfer to the R&D section of Stargate Command would give her a bit of rest after eight years of constant battle with the Gou'ald. Leave it to Rodney McKay to ruin those plans.

She expected some kind of remark – just what, she wasn't sure. Something that would amuse and annoy her in that unique style McKay had. When she didn't hear anything, not even the fast-paced tapping of keys, she glanced over to the civilian physicist to make sure he had heard her, startled to see him staring off into space, his face even paler then it normally was. "So I've been told," he replied in a soft voice.

"McKay? Are you…" She wondered what he was thinking about, because she was sure it wasn't the technical specifications on the screen in front of him. Her question seemed to bring him back from whatever world, galaxy or whatever universe his mind in, but didn't put in any mode to talk.

"I'm fine," he snapped, interrupting her before she could finish her question. He clearly wasn't fine, but Sam decided not to push the issue. If he didn't want to talk there was nothing she could do. Besides, she wasn't sure she wanted to know what was going through his mind. "Um…" he continued after what seemed like a long pause. "Where were we again?"

"We'd just finished with the Wraith Hive Ships and were about to start on the Ancient weapons platform at the edge of Lantean system." she replied.

If it were possible, McKay paled even more. "Right," he said. "Umm…the weapons platform..." he began, typing at a frantic pace. "We were only able to get the most cursory examination, but we think it used as part of the Atlantis' Last Stand against the Wraith before they submerged the city." He stopped typing and continued his lecture using his hands to demonstrate. "It does…did this by storing energy in a capacitor, then releasing in the form of a very powerful laser that could slice a Hive almost in half."

"Impressive," Sam replied. She had only been able to glance over the reports on that mission, but based on the reported size of the Hive ships, then it would take an extremely powerful laser to destroy one.

"No kidding," he snorted. "I saw the thing take out one of the Hive ships and…" he broke off again. It seemed he was struggling with something – debating it in his head. "Uh…Colonel…Can I…ah… ask you a…personal question?"

"Depends how personal," she replied in a light-hearted tone, wondering about the change in topics.

"What?" he asked confused for a few seconds then he seemed to realize what she meant. "No…I mean…" he seemed flustered as he realized where she was going. "I wouldn't ask…"

Belatedly, she realized that McKay would have no way to know how she much she did not want to talk about her love life. He would have no way of knowing how many times she had been asked about her broken engagement to Peter Shanahan, and everyone seemed to be speculating as to the "real" reason for she had decided not to marry one of the few men to survive "Carter's Black Widow curse". It had been one of the other reasons she had looked forward to the transfer to Area 51 after the defeat of the Goa'ald system lords. McKay had only just gotten back to Earth from another galaxy and had spent most of time since his return with her at Area 51. So she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, but, if he asked her about her love life, she wasn't sure she could be held responsible for her actions. "What do you want to know?"

"How do you do it?" he asked. She was about to ask what he was referring to when he continued, the speed of his speech increasing as he continued. "How do you watch acquaintances, colleagues, even…friends drop like flies around you and not go…" he paused a second continued, whirling a finger next to his ear in the well know gesture, "you know…nuts?"

It was a brutal question, one that she'd never really thought she would hear from the likes of Rodney McKay. The complete lack of tact was pure McKay, but the emotion behind it? That was something she never thought the strictly lab-based physicist would ever need to, or even want to, know. But then, given the reports of everything that had happened in the past year to the Atlantis expedition, and the number of time McKay's name had been included in the reports as a key player, it really should not have been a surprise that loss of colleagues and how to deal with it would be on his mind. And what had he just said, about seeing the Weapon's Platform in action? Unless she a missed a report, then it could only mean he had been there when the platform had been destroyed – with Peter Grodin – one of many civilian scientists still on it. No, she wasn't that surprised he was wondering about how to deal with fallen colleagues. What really surprised her – stunned her even - was that he was so obviously upset by it.

She shook her head, remembering her teasing words of just a few minutes ago. Rodney had changed. Very much for the better, she thought – but there was no way she was going to tell him that. His ego was big enough as it was. She had no intention of helping making it any bigger.

Even so, his question deserved an answer. The only problem was that she didn't think he would like hers. She read him as someone who liked the simple answers the hard sciences provided. Not many would consider wormholes, alternate universes/realties, devices like the ZPM or even basic astrophysics to be easy, but for someone like Rodney McKay they were. They were easy in that they came down to facts and data. All were things that could be objectified and analyzed. They were black and white. There were right answers and wrong answers.

What he was asking her now though was one of those things that one could not learned by reading a book, could not be studied in a classroom. There was no one definitive answer. And for someone like Rodney McKay, those were the hardest lessons of all to learn.

"You just do," she told him simply.

As she suspected, he exhaled and sighed.

"Look," she said before he could even open his mouth. "I know that is not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. You just learn to deal with it." Figuring that appealing to man's ego was always a safe bet, she smiled. "You're a smart guy," she reminded him. "You'll figure it out."

He was silent for several seconds and she watched several emotions cross his face. One thing about McKay, he didn't hold anything back. It was always easy to tell what he was feeling at any given time. Annoyance, frustration and the realization that she was right – not that he would ever admit such a thing, - crossed his face within the space of a minute. In any other circumstance the thought that he would admit, if only to himself, that she was right would have made her smile, but not this time. Maybe because she could sympathize with what the lessons he was trying to learn.

"Does it ever get any easier?" he asked, his voice strangely quiet. There was none of the usual smuggest there, just simple curiosity.

She thought of the people the SGC had lost over the years, particularly the ones she had known and worked with. She thought of Martouf and of Janet Frasier – and felt the same pain she felt whenever she thought of her fallen friends. The most painful and the most recent death was her father. "No," she finally answered truthfully, honestly. "It doesn't."

He seemed to consider that. After what seemed like a very long silence he spoke again. "So…you just learn to deal with it?"

She wasn't sure if he was asking her a question or talking to himself, but she nodded in response. "You just do." she repeated.

"I think…I'm sure I can do that." There was a touch of the old smuggest back in his voice. He returned his attention to the screen in front of them. "Now, back to weapons platform…" he began. "We think it was just…."

End.


End file.
